All too often, one person in a marriage, if not both people, turn into zombies as a result of routine, stagnation, stress and non-communication (or miscommunication). The potential consequences of a “zombie” marriage can be devastating and include divorce and living the rest of your life unhappily. A healthy dose of prevention goes a long way, so here are a few guidelines for keeping your spouse from turning into a zombie.
- Stay Lively YourselfTry to stay lively yourself! Live a small part of your life apart from your spouse, for example, a friend, trip or activity that is wholly yours. This gives you and your spouse space to pursue your own interests and to reconnect over new information.
- TravelA trip, whether small or large, is just the thing to keep your marriage going strong. Experience new sights and activities, and stay at new places. Even a hike of a few hours can be a tremendous start.
- Lighten the LoadIf your spouse works long hours plus handles many chores such as cleaning and cooking, explore ways to lighten the load. Could you take over some of the work or hire someone such as a housekeeper to help? Cooking and freezing the week’s meals ahead of time is one way to maximize time.
- Converse HonestlyOf course, you can do everything in the world to help your spouse, but it probably will not do much good if you do not know what makes him or her tick. Initiate an honest conversation, and withhold judgment or attacks. One way to open is with a statement along the lines of, “I wonder if our relationship needs a little more spice. I would hate for us to become zombies, and I thought we could bring in a housekeeper once a month so we can have a date night. What do you think?” Go gradually from there if thornier issues exist.
- Try New PositionsThere’s nothing like a board game or a new book to give the two of you fresh adventures in the bedroom. You can also explore sex in new rooms and in different roles. Try an encounter with your clothes on, for example, or have a session where all you do is make out. It may be just as important to develop a sex schedule in which you pencil in time for sex once a week (or on whatever timeline works best). Sex helps the two of you maintain or rekindle an emotional connection.
By following the five tips above, you are well on your way to ensuring zombies do not take over your marriage. However, it is important to do a wellness check every once in a while, say, twice a year, and to address any issues before they can become extremely damaging.